Mother Lover!!!!

• 11/18/15
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• My elder son is a true mother lover.  Last night I could not find the words to use in front of his in-laws so I resorted to threatening bodily harm, then added, "in front of the children."   I didn't binge watch The Sopranos for nothing.
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•   Typically due to the two hour time difference and my autistic live-in son's needs, we go to bed before Buck, the elder, gets home from work.  Because of the duplicitous practices of Amazon, the Grandson's birthday present was not delivered Sunday as promised.   It was delivered Monday.  Could they be any more irritating? 
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•   Buck and I agreed that he would open it Tuesday night, with me participating via Skype.   I waited . . . and waited . . . until at last I broke and phoned my son.  "Oh, we already opened it, he said,"  Crestfallen, I said, "Okay,"  what else?  Then he offered to Skype "anyway."  The first thing I saw was the Amazonbedamned box on the sofa.  Then it hit me.  Knowing I was on speaker, I couldn't say the choice words, so I began threatening him.   His reply was,"I can't believe you fell for it," which both respects me and irritates me simultaneously.  Only he has the psychological insight and sophistication to push my buttons so effectively, and now he has a new tool.  My Angel.  
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• Moving on to the Angel who made all resentment fall away and only bliss and gratitude remain for having such a charming, loving, humorous, bundle of euphoria.   He opened those dinosaurs, refused to allow ol' Dad to so much as touch them, and continued to be wholly focused on them for the duration of the call, except for one time he noticed his Mother's smartphone needed to be charged.  He had to stop momentarily and plug that in.   Correctly, I might add. (Genius).
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•   Active imagination was just a theory in grad school, but watching him gives it LIFE.   One dinosaur with a long neck, hissed.  He was snake dinosaur,  Triceratops was "Oweee" dinosaur due to his sharp points which he would touch and scream "Oweee!" to get a fingertip kiss from Daddy. Then dissolve to giggles. 15 times. We also had flying dinosaur, and my favorite, growling dinosaur.  Watching His Royal Gentleness attempt to do fierce is a side-splitting treat.  The adults were highly amused.  Then they started scoring the birthday gift as an olympic event.   All 10's.    
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• I went to sleep with a wide open, laughing heart.  Highly recommended.  

10/19/15

Beloved

. . . of a man since 1978 is a good thing to be.  He adds wit and wisdom including history to my life,  He knows me, enjoys me and enjoys being with me.  He validates me, forgives me, amuses me.  Now at this late date, he improves my circulation, flexibility, colour and tone.   He makes me feel beautiful and perceive myself, and the whole world as such.  He improves my mood and outlook.  

He indulges me, protects me, defends me, pleasures me and takes pleasure in me. He instructs me, guides me, and shares from his trove of historical, political, financial and literary knowledge.  He discusses politics from his unique point of view without insulting mine.  He stands by me and offers me rescuing, which I never accept, but it is solace to my soul to have someone who is on my side in matters great and small.

He is patient with me, and kind in ways I could not imagine for myself,  Those things are small injections of joy into my life.  He cares about my disabled child, and is a great role model both for the child and for me.  He is the soul of discipline and attention to detail.  He is generous with his time and energy.  He decorates my homestead with his vigor.  

There is peace, joy and love in his presence.  I like him for a friend.  We get along well, he says.  He also says that I am lighthearted.  The sound of his voice helps with that.

Mother's Day

To be home for Mother's Day, to be invited to someone else's home.  "Your room is ready."  Such a room in a house with the liveliness of a large family, where space is at a premium.  I was tucked into a soft bed in a sunny room with a bay window where a cat slept soundly while sitting straight up as though keeping an eye on me.  Others came in from time to time to bring water and check on me during the days/nights I slept.   Such a lovely spontaneous expression of hospitality and generosity, so like its giver.  Thirty years and I still feel the peacefulness of that place, though I had forgotten the easy laughter and warmth of his voice, the humor, wit and spirit that characterizes him.

For Buck, the Beloved

5/4/15

This first post has to be a paean to my son, my beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful boy without whom I would not be.  Would Not Be.  Either physically perhaps, or certainly just a neurotic narcissistic garden variety substance-addled small town wife.  'Til There was You.    I wasn't "stuck" with this surprising little fetus due to moral or religious convictions,  I wasn't in love with his father, but that was the year Lou Ann Barton debuted, "I'm Old Enough To Get What I Want,"and, at 32 years of age, I identified.  Only one person,  Jeannette Wilkerson. single mother of two primary school age boys, leaned across my kitchen counter as we stood preparing food and asked,  "How do you really feel about being pregnant?"  Unschooled in the discipline of reflection, I was momentarily stalled for an answer, then I clasped my bump and explained as the tears spouted from my eyes, "It's like the worst love affair I ever had, but it just goes on and on."  And so it does for these three decades, and I hope to count a few more.  

• Only you know the perfect combination of carrot and stick for this recalcitrant old sexagenarian.  This blog has been here  FIVE years and I never touched it before day.  I have a thought that it owes its existence to you also.  Maybe you'll teach me tabs.